Eli thinks these things.

Nightlife

2007-09-10T23:15:00.000-05:00

Its been around 2 months since my last organized stately excursion and I'm beginning to show signs of neglect. Yesterday I overheard someone utter the word "exploration" and my trunk shot up, hard as a rock. I still have an uncanny amount of film left from my last big trip. About a month ago I tried to get it developed but the guy behind the counter said he didn't "serve no phants". If this is the land of the free then I must be greedy.
I long for the days when I ran free in the plains, searching for the perfect plant to feast upon, the perfect stream to drink from. The first time I saw a human was during my 16th birthday party. I was coming back from my morning jog when all of a sudden a tall man with pants made of grass threw a spear at me. I began to flee out of total shock when the man grabbed one of my tusks.
Never grab one of my tusks, I hate that.
If you can imagine a world where the only thing you had to do to kill a man was sit on him, then you can imagine what life for me must be like. That was the first time I ever ate meat as well. Its not that I consider myself a carnivore, its just that if I had left the man there, that would have attracted all the wrong attention to our camp (lions, etc..).
I am sitting next to an old man right now that seems to think I'm his wife. I hate to say it, but if he puts his hand on my trunk one more time I'm going to eat meat again. This new spot I've found is very nice. An old airplane hangar that allows me to stretch out completely and even do some jumping jacks without falling through the floor. Good old concrete structures. I am positive I'm not the first elephant to traverse the country from building to building. Architects should plan for this sort of weight. There is nothing more irritating than waking up at 2 in the morning, crawling out of bed, walking over to the corner to relieve yourself, and falling through the floor.

Cairo, Illinois

2007-08-09T22:25:00.001-05:00

There is a place called Cairo, where practically everything is abandoned...and I'm not talking about pyramids. I'm talking about good old fashioned buildings. Everything is wide open. There is an old historic downtown that has been completely abandoned. The windows to all the old stores are busted out so one could just walk right in if one so desired. There is an old theatre with chandeliers still hanging from the ceiling. There is a factory that is around the size of two city blocks at least, 3 stories high that is completely secluded by the wildlife that has grown all around it. Go there today. I was there recently...maybe...

Eli goes the distance!

2007-08-09T22:23:00.000-05:00

Eli is on a national tour right now! Beginning the 28th of July, a special day indeed, Eli packed up his nifty traveling gear and began a national urban exploration extravaganza! Ground cover the likes of which euonymous could only dream of. If you know of a place that would blow Eli's mind, let him know! He began his journey from the center of the nation, is working his way northward, then westward, possibly dancing on Canadian loam, prancing back southward, again trudging eastward to his humble abode, only to turn right back around and venture northward once more to a distant land full of suprises and intrigue! Wish him luck!

The Action Man Can

2007-07-22T22:21:00.000-05:00

With one foot in the toxic puddle...
and the other on some high ground.
In steps the Action Man...and never makes a sound.
With elegance, precision, and vast amounts of knowledge,
Its the sophisticated camera toucher, the walking, talking college.
The respectful woman-treater. Entry finder, defense defeater...
Never harbors the same follies and habits that the rookies got,
He stays cool well into noonday, even if the block is hot.
He doesn't dip his toes in the shallow pools with typical, graceless hoes...
and he's always remaining focused,
even in the face of all that hocus pocus.
Entering the REM state when he's wide awake and listening...
the sleepy driver, passed out passenger is dodging tasteless christenings.
The urbex knight wearing the gear thats right, with all types of different pockets...
Sippin on a hummingbird drink and launching model rockets.
Some buildings, they may scare away the inexperienced, with no signs of entry.
But, magic sticks and various tools facilitate the seasoned sentry.
Listening to secret channels on a short wave radio with a skeleton key collectiton,
The Action Man studies with the critical eye...
and creeps around undetected like an airborne staff infection.
He's able to kick it with the common folk, yet still comprehend the infinite.
One time he even picked up a cow skull with an active bees nest in it.
Always making the right decisions, when someone talks he always listens.
Precision with collision always, and when the time is right.
Prefers the pictures in the day but is always down to go at night.
Never laughing at the wrong times and telling detailed stories.
He's in it for the fun and knowledge...never the fortune, fame, or glory.
Not even in torrential rain, would he ever need an umbrella.
The girls all want to know his name, leaving jealousy to the felllas.
Experiencing the severest earaches that would leave most on the flooring.
With a charged up camera battery and flashlight, he's ready for exploring.
He never listens to the squawkins, silencing all bad talkins...
its Ben Hawkins.

Eli trudges northward!

2007-07-22T22:20:00.000-05:00

Eli has lathered up his exploring boots and will deliver himself right into the palm of the frosty mitten this August. Know of someplace that would blow Eli's mind? Tell us!